Okay, this blog is not supposed to be about Stupid Joel. Unfortunately, since I can’t really admit most of the things I think or feel about him in real life…. well, here I am! But before I get to my subject line, I really love Warrick and Nick from CSI: Las Vegas. I simply can’t help myself. And it’s not that I like everything about them, I mean, Nick slept with a prostitute and Warrick has a gambling problem, but they’re nice guys. Especially Nick. I know the guy’s an ex-frat boy and all that, but… well, that’s what fantasies are about, right? *pause* And Greg is just a cutie.
So, to the subject line. Pheath, I admit it, if you’ve tracked me to this blog yet, I still want him back some days. And today was one of those months. AND, since he broke up with Heather a month or two ago… I don’t know, hope springs eternal. Yeah, so I just wanted to hope that maybe, someday, somehow… he might love me again. *shrugs* I guess it’s a human compulsion, right? Thinking that a) all of the things he said to me about loving me forever had to be true and he’s meant for me and b) maybe that I was lovable at all. Which is ridiculous, because I know that my friends and family love me, but … Anyway, so today around 1, I called him, or rather, his cell phone. I got his voice mail, suspiciously quickly I might add, and left a message saying I heard he’d gotten a new apartment and I was just wondering how he was, blah blah. It’s …. 12:18 am, pre-time change, fifth episode of second season of CSI (I love my brother, and this is why I don’t have a television. Not because I love my brother, but because I’m staying up well past midnight watching CSI), and I haven’t heard from him. Part of me wants to interpret this as a reluctance on his part to contact me because he doesn’t know if he can handle hearing the sound of my voice again without succumbing to a sudden flood of memories that remind him of his deep and abiding love for me (Romance novels? An addict? Off the wagon? Why, yes!!). However, the logical, practical side of me says … he doesn’t care, he’s avoiding me. Ah, life. Really, how do we all survive? And it’s so funny, because we all just fumble through life thinking we’re alone and that no one can really understand what we’re going through, when in truth we all have the same sorrows and sufferings, just in different degrees, different days, and different ways. Crap, 2am, post-time change, and I’m supposed to sing in the morning. But at least my cat loves me!
Posted by melindam 